The Move that Hurts the Most

The honest truth is that I have moved a lot. More than the average gypsy. I went to 13 different schools before I earned my high school diploma. I married a Marine and have shared the moving "adventure" with him 7 times. Moving has never been that big of a deal to me.

But as I sit here, in the living room of the first home I have ever owned, watching a stranger pack up my possessions, my heart hurts. I don't want to leave. Why is this move so different? Why was it easier to move across the world than to Colorado?

The issue isn't where we are going. It's that we are going at all. I have thought about it a lot lately and the following are why I think this move sucks so badly:

1. I let myself believe we were done. Our plan was always to stay here. Shows you that plans and the USMC don't mix. I have never had roots before. I protected myself from them.  Roots are painful when they get ripped out during the next move. Roots are dangerous. Everywhere we lived before here was temporary. I always knew I would only live there 18 - 36 months, so nothing was permanent. This time, I let myself grow attached. Attached to friends. Non - military friends that don't move away. Attached to the idea of permanent and final. Attached to my home.

2. I found a life here. I found my love of long distance running here. I found crazy people that share that love. I know that there are serious numbers of ultra runners in CO, but until I know some, I will feel out of place. My running family has shared my struggles and my triumphs. They get me and they know me. I have to start a whole new history in CO.

3. I painted my walls. Any military wife will tell you how awful the paint is in base housing. The Department of Defense must get a bulk rate on egg-shell white. My favorite part of owning a home for the first time was painting every wall. Nothing is any shade of white! It was an act of freedom and independence! We will live in base housing again in CO. Helllooooo egg-shell, my dear friend (gag). We also put a lot of blood, sweat, tears (not to mention thousands of dollars) into our home. Leaving it hurts.

4. My kids found forever friends. Our three years at Linfield Christian were amazing. Mimi and Colby thrived. They grew in so many ways. Spiritually, academically, and athletically, they grew confident and happy. Taking them away from their lives only gets harder as they get older. Watching them struggle with the move and leaving their friends has been very hard.

So, to sum it up, this move hurts. I have drug my feet and denied it was happening until the boxes arrived. I guess now I better put on my big girl panties and a fake smile and follow the love of my life on another adventure. Hoping we can count the times we have to do this again on just a few fingers.

See you on the trails of Colorado!